Ships in the Night
by movienerd1174
Summary: Slightly AU: Due to events in the past, Ed and Olivia strive to be like ships in the night, just passing each other by. However one night at the NYPD Christmas banquet, their lives will once again collide and they will have to face the past that haunts them both. TUCKSON
1. Chapter 1

**Hey guys! I'm back with a holiday story. I usually very weary to write holiday stories because I feel that they date themselves but I was inspired so I'm going with it. I know I'm more of a oneshot girl but I'm going to switch up the formula this time. I'm going to post shorter chapters just so I can get at least some of the story to you guys before Christmas.**

 **This story is slightly in an alternate universe but only really where the timeline is concerned. It's starts modern time and then flashes back several years. I don't want to give much away so if you have any questions, feel free to ask and I will answer in the next update.**

 **ENJOY!**

* * *

Walking into the ballroom of the plaza hotel, Olivia Benson took a deep breath as she surveyed her surroundings. The room was beautifully decorated for the upcoming holiday and the higher ranking of New York's finest were milling around.

Normally, she would not mind socializing and networking with her peers but she suddenly felt a looming sense of anxiety wash over her. She ran her hand down the smooth material of her form-fitting black dress self consciously before the feeling of a soft hand on her back snapped her out of her thoughts. Michael Dodds, her newly appointed second in command and companion for the evening, was at her side.

"Our coats are checked and it looks like we're at table twenty-three." He explained, dexterously flipping the place card through his fingers. "Shall we?"

She did her best to give him a convincing smile. "I'll meet you over there. Just going to stop at the bar quickly."

Dodds gave her a bright smile and a nod before they went their separate ways. Reaching the bar, Olivia tapped her fingers patiently against the polished wood as she waited for the bartender to serve her.

Suddenly, the air in the room changed and she felt the hairs stand at the base of her neck. Sensing a looming presence, she did her best to take a calming breath. "Lieutenant", a raspy voice greeted.

Turning to her right, she saw Ed Tucker standing there, twirling a tumbler of bourbon in his hand. "Captain", she replied, trying to force her eyes to stay on his face and not roam the length of his body. He was wearing a navy blue, three piece suit, a gorgeous contradiction to his usual black work suit.

"What can I get for you, ma'am?" The bartender asked, laying a small napkin down in front of her.

She opened her mouth to answer but was cut off. "She'll have a bourbon, neat."

Unlike Olivia, Tucker did not try to hide his wandering eyes. "Command suits you, Olivia. You look amazing."

Turning her body to face him, she challenged him with a smirk. "You always did have a thing for little black dresses, didn't you?"

* * *

 _Seven Years Ago..._

 _He spotted her from across the crowded bar. She was wearing a slim fitting black dress with her hair done in a loose twist, a little too over dressed for this type of establishment but stunning nonetheless._

 _Navigating his way through the crowd of people, Ed honed in on her like a heat-seeking missile. She checked her watch and looked around the room as he reached her. "Hot date, Detective?" He asked, his eyes scanning over her body._

 _Scoffing, Olivia rolled her eyes. "What are you doing here, Tucker? Shouldn't you be at a sleazy cop bar?"_

 _Adjusting the rolled up sleeves of his dress shirt, he leaned against the bar. "Yeah, well, it's hard to make friends at the NYPD when you work for IAB so here I find myself."_

 _"At least you're self aware." She bit back causing him to let out a hearty laugh. That caught her by surprise and she found herself smirking at the sight of him in such rare form._

 _When he caught her smirking at him, she checked her watch for what seemed like the hundredth time. His face turned almost sympathetic as the wheels turned in his head. "What time was he supposed to be here?" He asked, his eyebrows knitting together in empathy._

 _Sighing in defeat, she glanced at her watch again. "Forty-five minutes ago", she answered, worrying her hands together._

 _Noticing her fidgeting hands, he reached out to still them, a reassuring smile gracing his lips. "Well, he does not know what he's missing." He said, his eyes wandering down her body before finding it's way back to her face, a warm smile on his lips. "Every girl should own a little black dress, every boy should see his girl in one." He quoted._

 _Her eyebrows raised in awe. "Didn't peg you to be well-read, Tucker."_

 _"I'm full of surprises, Detective." He mused, a full smile spreading across his face showing off his bright white teeth. "Let me buy you a drink."_

 _She thought for what seemed like several minutes, his twinkling blue eyes not helping her think clearly in the least. "Okay", she agreed quietly against her better judgement._

 _Raising his forefinger to gain the bartender's attention, he noticed her checking her watch again out of the corner of her eye. "She'll have a bourbon, neat. Put it on my tab." The bartender nodded and turned to pour the drink._

 _Olivia's eyes shot to Ed's face when his hand lightly grabbed her wrist. With one nimble hand, he unlatched her watch and slipped it off her wrist. She watched with astonishment as he tapped the face of the watch gently before slipping it into her clutch that was sitting on the bar. "You've wasted enough time on him tonight. Don't give him the satisfaction."_

 _In that moment, something between them shifted. She had never seen Ed Tucker so human and if it wasn't so unnerving she would find it attractive. The bartender placed the glass in front of her and she smiled in gratitude._

 _Holding his glass out to her, he smiled as she clinked her glass against his and watched as she sipped the dark liquid for the first time. Her face contorted minutely as the burning alcohol slid down her thought. "Bourbon, it's rough at first but it grows on you. We have that in common." He smirked as his glass reached his lips._

 _Later that night..._

 _"I have looked down the barrel of a gun, I've been slashed with a knife but I've never been more terrified than when that woman was crowning in the back of my squad car." Ed chuckled as he downed the rest of the brown liquor._

 _Throwing her head back, Olivia let out a laugh as one of her fingers swirled around the rim of her almost empty glass. "C'mon, Tucker, it's the miracle of life!"  
_

 _"Yeah, well that miracle left a permanent stain on the interior of the cruiser." He retorted causing her face to twist with disgust. "See!" He snickered, pointing at her expression._

 _Leaning back against his stool, Ed let his laughter subside as he watched the woman next to him. She looked back at him, smiling shyly as she caught him staring at her. He stretched his arm across the back of her stool, gently rubbing the skin of her upper arm with his thumb._

 _A clock across the bar caught her attention. "Is that really the time?" She asked, squinting to get a better look._

 _Checking his own watch, Ed sucked his teeth in disappointment. "Yeah, quarter passed midnight."_

 _Pushing a stray hair back from her face, she huffed. "I better get going." She sighed, looking back at him._

 _"I'll walk you out to your car." He offered, standing up from his stool. Grabbing her coat off a nearby coat rack, he held it open for her as she slipped her arms in. He slipped on his own jacket while she gathered her things before he pressed a strong hand to her lower back, leading her towards the door._

 _As they reached her black mustang, she turned around and leaned back against her car door, her hands shoved in the pockets of her coat to ward off the cold. Her eyes reluctantly met his face, the tension hanging thick between them. He brought his hands up to the lapels of her pea coat, pulling them closer around her to ensure her warmth._

 _She could not help the small smile that spread across her lips as she watched him. His eyes travelled from his hands up to her eyes which widened as his face inched towards hers. His pink tongue peaked out to wet his lips as his eyes darted between her eyes and her plump lips._

 _Before she could even process what was happening, his mouth were on hers. Shock paralyzed her where she stood as his soft lips pressed against hers. Pulling back so mere inches separated them, his eyes opened slowly to search her face. "Ed", she breathed, her warm breath puffing against his close face. "We've been drinking..."_

 _"I didn't drink that much", he cut her off, his voice softer than she's ever heard it. His hand came up to push a piece of stray hair back before his lips were on hers again. This time it took milliseconds for her to respond, her lips surrendering under his. Her hands found their way from her pockets to grip the lower muscles of his back as he sucked her lower lip between his._

 _One of his hands tangled in her hair while her mouth opened under his, allowing his tongue to connect with hers. He reached out to brace his other hand against the roof of her car as he pressed his body against hers. She hissed into his mouth, the delicious contradiction of the cool metal and his warm body causing an unfamiliar sensation to rise within her._

 _Releasing her lips, he pressed his forehead against as his heavy breath panted against her flushed face. Her hands gripped the lapels of his jacket in an attempt to hold him close while she caught her breath._

 _Reaching his hand behind her, Ed opened the driver side door and braced his strong arm against it as he pecked her cold nose. "Get home safely, Detective." he rasped, before placing another lingering kiss to her lips._

 _Nodding her head against his, she gave him a small smile before slipping into the driver's seat. She started her car and looked over at Ed through the frosted car window, the twinkle not leaving her eye until she was long gone._

* * *

Hanging his head, he couldn't help the shy smile that spread across his face. "You're right, they're my weakness. If I didn't know any better, I would think that you wore it on purpose."

"Don't flatter yourself, Tucker." She laughed, sipping her drink.

Adjusting his cufflinks, his eyes scanned the room. "I saw you walk in, is that your new boy prodigy?" he asked, nodding towards where Dodds was sitting.

"That is my new Sergeant." She explained, straightening her posture in an attempt to seem more professional. "He's new to SVU, actually NYPD for that matter."

He nodded, trying his best to hide his jealousy. "Fresh meat", he acknowledged, squinting his eyes as he looked passed her in an attempt to avoid her gaze.

"Ed...", she warned, looking down at her drink before looking back up at him. He gave her a small smile in apology. "I should be getting back..." She explained, nodding towards her table.

Nodding in understanding, he picked up his drink. "I'll walk you." He offered.

Tilting her head, she gave him a pointed look. "You really don't have to..."

"March, Lieutenant", he commanded with a teasing glint in his eyes, motioning her to walk ahead of him. She rolled her eyes and begrudgingly followed his order.

When they reached the table, Olivia sat down in the chair next to Dodds. Seeing the man accompanying her, he stood and offered his hand. "Michael Dodds." He greeted.

Looking from his hand up to the man's face, Ed reluctantly accepted the handshake. "Ed Tucker, IAB." He replied, shaking his hand firmly. When his hand was released, he sat back down next to Olivia and stretched his arm across the back of her chair. Ed had to bite the inside of his cheek to keep the rising jealousy at bay before he noticed that everyone around them started to take their seats. "I should be getting to my table." He stated, his somber eyes meeting hers briefly. "Take care of her, Dodds. She's one of the good ones."

Looking at Olivia, Ed gave her a melancholy nod and she gave him a heavyhearted smile in return. Dodds, completely missing the exchange between the two, nodded as he watched him walk away. "Old friend?" He asked, looking over at her.

Reaching for her drink, she brought the glass to her lips. "That's my ex-husband."

* * *

 **I love a good cliffhanger! Like I said, if you have any questions feel free to ask! Honestly reviews motivate me like nothing else so if you want quick updates, show me some love!**


	2. Chapter 2

**Hello loves! Some of you caught onto the Mat Kearney inspired title and that made me smile. I will say a song that really did inspire this story is Darlene Love's _Christmas (Baby, Please Come Home)._ It's a classic! And if you haven't heard it, I suggest you take a listen!**

 **You guys seemed to like the twist I put on this story, let's see where it goes!**

* * *

Placing her utensils down next to her plate, Olivia placed her hands in her lap to fidget with the napkin that rested there. Dodds sensed her uneasiness and placed his arm on the back of her chair. "I'm going to head to the bar, can I get you anything?"

Giving him a forced smile, she shook her head. With a nod, Dodds stood and buttoned his suit jacket before heading across the ballroom to the bar. As soon as he was out of ear shot, Olivia let her eyes fall closed as she exhaled a long breath. She was finding it exhausting to feign peace of mind through out this entire evening.

When she opened her eyes, Ed was standing in front her table with his hands in the pockets of his suit pants. "Where's the golden boy?" He asked, nodding towards the empty seat next to her.

" _Sergeant Dodds_ is at the bar." She answered, dodging his sarcastic comments with ease as her stern eyes met his.

He couldn't help the smirk that tugged at the corner of his lips. "Lucky for him, they're not carding." Tilting her head to the side, she gave him a pointed look. That look was all too familiar to him and he held his hands up in surrender, a playful smile on his face. He walked closer and extended his hand. "Dance with me."

Olivia eyed his masculine hand before looking to his face, his blue eyes beckoning her just like they always had. "Ed...", she whispered hesitantly, her eyes softening as she sensed the defeat creeping into his demeanor.

"One dance, Liv", he pleaded softly. "And I'll leave you alone for the rest of the night."

There was no way she could deny those eyes, she never could. In all other aspects of her life, she had a solid resolve but when those eyes came into play all bets were off.

Placing her hand in his, she stood up from her chair and allowed him to lead her to the middle of the dance floor. Her right hand rested in his left while her left hand found its way to the back of his neck.

Falling into a comfortable silence, they swayed to the soft music with a safety net of at least theee inches between their bodies. He shook his head and chuckled lightly causing her eyebrows to knit together in confusion.

"We were together, what, almost five years and this is the first time we've ever danced in public." He explained once he saw her perplexed expression. She gave him a somber smile as his eyes searched her face. As if it had a mind of its own, her hand that was at the back of his neck moved to scratch the gray hair at the back of his head soothingly.

His eyes fell closed as they always did when she used to do that. Noticing the effect of her actions, she quickly stopped and placed her hand back on his shoulder blade.

Looking down between their bodies, the familiar image of their feet moving together made her heart ache.

* * *

 _Sliding his key into the lock, Ed tried to be as quiet as possible as he unlocked the door to his girlfriend's apartment. Upon opening the door, he was surprised to find Olivia sitting on the couch in the living area, the only light emitting from the kitchen._

 _"What are you doing up?", He asked, hanging his coat on the rack near the front door. "It's after midnight." When he turned around he finally had a chance to take in her appearance. She was sitting on the couch in leggings and an oversized hoodie, her hair in a messy bun with reading glasses perched on her nose, a defeated look marring her beautiful features._

 _Sitting down on the coffee table in front of her, one of his hands pushed the hair out of the face while the other rested on his thigh. "How are we gonna do this?" She sighed, taking off her reading glasses and laying them on top of the scribbled on note pad. "I mean, we can do it financially but you're fifty and I'm forty-seven..."_

 _"That doesn't matter." He responded sweetly, his warm eyes shining._

 _"We would have to move..."_

 _"That doesn't matter." He parroted._

 _Frustration was starting to become evident in her voice. "We'd have to adjust our work schedules."_

 _"That doesn't matter." He retorted._

 _"How can you be so sure?", she huffed, throwing her hands up in annoyance. "Of any of it?"_

 _Not being able to help the smile that was pulling at the corners of his mouth, Ed took her face between his hands. "Because it's you and me and as long as we're in this together nothing can stand in our way." He confided, his thumb rubbing her flushed cheek. She released a pent up breath, leaning her cheek into his warm palm. "You need to stop thinking so much."_

 _Ed had to try and not laugh at the incredulous look Olivia was giving him. "Thinking is my job." She practically whined._

 _He shook his head. "Not here, not while you're with me." He assured, standing and offering her his hand. Her brows knitted together in confusion as she looked from his outstretched hand to his handsome face. "Come here."_

 _Placing her hand in his, she eyed him suspiciously as he pulled her up off the couch. "Dance with me", he requested, his bright eyes shining._

 _"What? You're crazy", she laughed, trying to pull away from him but his strong grip held firm. He positioned one of her hands so it was on his shoulder and the other so it was resting in his palm._

 _As he began to sway, Olivia looked down at their feet in an attempt to measure and gauge how they would move together. Ed brought his hand to her chin and tilted her head back up so she was looking at him. "Don't think", he whispered, wrapping his arm around her waist and pulling her body flush against his. "Just feel."_

 _After several seconds of her eyes searching his face, she finally gave in and allowed her body to relax against his. Closing her eyes, she pressed her face against his as their bodies swayed together. She started to feel the anxiety melt away as she lost herself in the rhythm of their bodies. He moved his head so his lips could lay several kisses along her cheek before finally ending up by her ear._

 _"Marry me", he breathed, his lips moving against the sensitive skin of her ear. A chill ran through her entire body and she couldn't tell if it was the content of his words or the raspy tone in which he spoke them._

 _A brief panic washed over him as he felt her stiffen in his arms. Waiting a couple of painfully long seconds, Ed pulled back and dared to look at her face. Her eyes were brimming with tears and her lips were twitching into a watery smile as her fingertips found his chiseled cheek. "I don't want you to think you have to ask because..."_

 _He cut her off by shaking her head. "I'm not", he assured, turning his head to the side and kissing the inside of her palm. "This is what I want, no matter what our circumstances. I want to wake up next you every morning and fall asleep with you every night. I want you as my partner in life and in love." he declared, his hands slipping under her sweatshirt to grip her sides, his thumbs rubbing against her stomach. "There's no one else I'd rather have by my side for this crazy adventure."_

 _Tears were now streaming down her cheeks as a wide smile broke out across her face. Her arms found their way around his shoulders and she pulled him close as her head nodded zealously. Their lips met in a hot kiss and he couldn't help but smile against her mouth and lift her up so her legs wrapped around his waist. They fell onto the couch in a laughing tangle of limbs, any worries they might have had dissipating into night air._

* * *

Feeling his fingers lift her chin, she looked into those blue eyes and felt her knees go weak. "Don't think", he whispered, his thumb running along the indent below her lower lip. "Just feel." The familiar words made her heart ache and her eyes fell closed as his nose pressed against her cheek. She wrapped her arms completely around his shoulders, pressing her body against his.

Exhaling through his nose, Ed held her tightly against him as he hummed along with the music. Crowd around them seemed to disappear as they lost themselves in each other. His hands rubbed up and down her back in a soothing manner, his fingers halting as they reached a cut out in her dress. Her breath caught in her throat as his rough fingertips paid special attention to the bare skin of her back.

Feeling the roughness of his cheek against hers, she brought her hand up to rub the silver hair at the back of his head before landing on the nape of his neck and squeezing the reddening skin there.

Hearing a change in the music, Ed opened his eyes slowly open to see all the other couples on the dance floor were starting to disperse. He noticed a pair of eyes on them as everyone continued to scatter. His eyes locked with Dodds', half of him challenging him and the other half pleading for understanding. Dodds brought his drink up to his lips, his eyes swirling with jealousy and confusion as he surveyed the pair.

Moving his hands to the sides of Olivia's waist, he slowly pulled away as he watched her eyes blink open. "Thank you for reminding me", he rasped as his hand tucked a stray piece of hair behind her ear.

Before she even had a chance to respond, Ed was gone.

* * *

Trying her best to hide her nerves, Olivia wrung her hands together in her lap as she looked over to Mike and tried to give him a convincing smile. He did his best to not give any indication that he saw what transpired between her and Ed but she knew that he had. She had always had a feeling that Dodds was interested in her by the way he acted around the precinct but he was always so professional that he never acted on it.

Giving her a small smile in return, he brushed her hair behind her shoulder and rubbed a thumb softly down the exposed skin of her neck. She saw his eyes flicker to something behind her and she turned, her eyes catching what he was looking at. Ed was a few tables over, his eyes that were trained on them flickered with somber jealousy before looking away.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm the swirl of emotions that raced through her. Her body was still vibrating with memory of his hands on her and she could still smell his lingering cologne on her skin. It had taken months for her to erase them from her memory before and she had a feeling it wouldn't be easier this time around.

The sound of everyone clapping tore her from her thoughts. She turned her attention to the special guest singer they has just introduced. The beginning notes of "Have Yourself a Merry Little Christmas" filled the air and she could practically feel her heart stop. She could feel his eyes on her again as she willed her eyes to stop welling and her chin to stop quivering.

It was not working, the emotions were too strong and they were crashing over her like waves. Quietly excusing herself, she got up from her chair and made a beeline for the door.

Seeing her abrupt exit, Ed stood and followed her path hastily. When he reached the lobby of the hotel, he looked around and found her leaning up against the far wall with her head hung and her arms crossed over her chest.

Walking towards her briskly, his gait slowed as he reached her. His fingers itched to reach out and touch her, comfort her but he shoved them in his pockets instead. She looked up at him and sniffled as her wet eyes met his. Her shoulders sagged as she gave him a defeated look. "That song was playing when..." She couldn't even finish her sentence. Her hand came up to cover her mouth as a sob escaped her throat, the sound causing Ed to close his eyes.

"I know", he whispered, hanging his head. Her sobs were not subsiding and he could not help himself any longer.

Stepping forward, Ed gathered her in his arms and pulled her body against his. One of his hands wrapped around her shoulders and the other stroked her hair as her body shook with silent sobs. Her arms circled around his body as she buried her face in his chest.

After a couple of minutes, her sobs turned to soft whimpers. She pulled away slowly, her hands wiping away the remaining tears on her cheeks. Taking her wrists in hands, he removed her hands from her face before replacing them with his. Her eyes watched his face intently, his brows furrowing as he concentrated on wiping the make up from under her puffy eyes.

She gently gripped his wrists as his hands moved to rest on the sides of her neck. "I hate this time of year." She sighed, her red eyes meeting his. If she was not mistaken, she could have swore she could see unshed tears in his. Ignoring the nagging feeling in the back of his head, he pressed his lips against her forehead.

"I second that, kid." He rasped against her skin, the old nickname making her heart ache.

Allowing her body to melt into his again, she buried her face in his neck while her hands gripped the muscles of his back. He couldn't help the chill that ran down his spine at the feeling of her hot breath puffing against his neck. Closing his eyes, he savored in the feeling of being whole again.

The sound of a clearing throat brought them back to reality. Pulling away from her ex-husband, Olivia saw Dodds standing next to them with her buzzing cell phone in his hand.

"Oh thank you, Mike." She croaked, taking the phone from him and scrolling through it. While she was looking down at the device, Mike took this opportunity to stare Ed down. "Looks like I got a case, Mercy Hospital." She sighed, locking her phone.

"I'll go get our coats, we can take my car down." He offered.

Olivia laid her hand on his forearm gently to stop him. "You didn't get the call, Sergeant. Stay, enjoy the rest of the evening." She said, giving him a small smile.

Suddenly, Ed's phone began to buzz in the breast pocket of his suit as he reached in and pulled it out. "Looks like I'm going with you." He explained, flashing her his screen before slipping his phone back into his pocket.

"Are you sure you're okay to go alone?" Mike asked, looking between the two of them before his eyes landed on his lieutenant. They all knew that when he said 'alone' he really meant 'with him'.

She gave him another smile, but Ed could see right through it. "I'll be fine, I promise."

Reaching his hand out to touch her arm, Ed urged her forward. "C'mon Liv, go grab your coat and I'll bring my car around." She nodded before heading to the coat check while Ed spared a cold glare back at Mike before heading towards the door.

* * *

 **Not a cliffhanger like the first chapter but there it is! All your lovely reviews have been spurring me on so keep them coming!**


	3. Chapter 3

**I need to write multi-chapter stories more often, you guys absolutely blow me away! Some of you are catching on to what is happening but I guess you'll just have to wait and find out...**

* * *

The hospital elevator dinged open as Ed and Olivia spared a quick glance at each other before stepping out onto the floor. The car ride to the hospital was relatively silent but despite what had transpired between them, there was no awkwardness.

The on duty sergeant approached them and Ed took the intiative, stepping slightly in front of Olivia. "What do we got?" Ed asked, his tone professional yet stern.

Sighing, the sergeant rubbed the back of his neck. "Off duty patrol officer decided to take a drunken joy ride with his daughter in the back seat. Ran a red light and got t-boned."

Olivia sensed Ed stiffen in front of her. "And the girl?" The captain asked, his raspy voice thick with emotion.

The other man took a moment, looking down at his feet before speaking. "Three years old... killed on impact."

Closing her eyes at the new information, Olivia took a steadying breath and reached out to brace a comforting hand against his rigid back. The other man walked away leaving Ed and Olivia alone in the quiet hallway. "Ed..." She breathed.

Taking a deep breath, he swiped a hand over his face before clearing his throat. "Let's go." He said, cutting her off before heading down the corridor. Sighing, she watched him retreat before following him.

When she finally caught up with him, he was leaning his back against the wall while wringing his hands together. "You sure you're okay to go in there?" She asked as she came to stand in front of him.

"I'm fine", he said curtly. His eyes met hers, suddenly apologetic for his tone. "Are you?"

Shrugging, she shoved her hands in the pockets of her jacket as she looked to the side. "We got to do what we got to do."

"Let's get this over with." He exhaled, heading into the exam room with Olivia right behind him.

Walking into the room, Olivia hung back as Ed approached the sleeping man in the hospital bed. Ed flipped through the man's chart while she surveyed the man laying in the bed; his fair skin was littered with cuts and his light brown hair stained with blood.

He dropped the chart on the bedside tray, a loud bang to echo throughout the dark causing the battered officer to jolt awake. "Nice of you to join us, Hilmore." Ed bit sarcastically.

"Wh-what happened?" Officer Hilmore asked, his bleary eyes focusing on the two strangers in his room.

Ed let out a bitter laugh. "I should be asking you the same thing. You're in some serious hot water."

He started to look around, a panicked expression on his face, as he tried to straighten up in the hospital bed. "What are you talking about?"

"I'm talking about you talking a little joy ride you took with a handle of Jameson riding shot gun." Ed explained, the other man's face paling while his set in a hardline. "What the fuck were you thinking?" He growled.

Sensing escalation in his tone, Olivia pushed herself off the wall. "Captain...", she warned softly.

"It's okay, Lieutenant", he said as he turned to smile at her. The smile was anything but the warm one she was used to, this one was almost... menacing. "I just want to know what our friend, Hilmore, here was thinking when he deciding to drive drunk with his daughter in the car."

That piece of information made Hilmore attempt to sit up and get out of the hospital bed. "Where is she? Where's Ava?!"

Ed's forearm contacted with the man's chest, pushing him back down on the bed while leering over him. Olivia jumped into action and stalked over to the two men. "You killed her", Ed hissed through gritted teeth. "She's dead because of you!"

"Ed", She scolded lowly, tugging on his arm as Hilmore dissolved into tears under the captain's grasp.

While holding his forearm to his throat, Ed brought his other hand to grip the man's already injured face. "You son of a..."

"Ed!" Olivia repeated, shouting this time. Managing to put herself in between Ed and Hilmore, she pushed her weight against his chest to make him back away.

His heart pounded and his brain was going a mile a minute but the feeling of her hands on his body as she guided him to the door seemed to have a calming presence.

Leading Ed out the door, she looked back at the now disgraced officer that was falling apart in the hospital bed. She couldn't decide if she should feel anger or sympathy toward the man. With her lips set in a hard line and one last look, she met Ed out in the hallway.

Closing the door behind her, she looked at Ed who was leaning against the opposite side of the hallway, his hands braced behind him on the handrail. She leaned against the wall behind her and spared a glance in his direction. A familiar redness crept up the collar of his shirt while his veins bulged from his rolled up dress sleeves. His jaw was set in a hard line as he looked down at the floor. "He's not _him._ " She said, subconsciously mimicking his position.

He looked up at her, his eyes softened when they reached her face. "I know." He muttered.

Leaving her spot against the wall, she moved to stand in front of him. She began to lift her hands before she hesitated. "May I?" She asked softly.

He looked from her raised hands to her face, a certain tenderness washing over his features. He knew exactly what she was asking and he nodded, his eyes not leaving hers.

* * *

 _Walking into their apartment, Ed couldn't help but smile as he spotted his wife with her back to him at the kitchen counter. He snuck up behind her and slipped his arms around her waist, causing her to jump but instantly relaxing when she felt his lips on her neck._

 _"I didn't even hear you come in." She breathed, craning her neck so she could plant a kiss on his lips._

 _He hummed at the feeling of her mouth on his. "Something smells good", he muttered against her lips._

 _Turning around, she gripped his biceps as his hands braced against the countertop behind her. "Well, that must be the take out because there was no way I was going to be allowed to cook today."_

 _Chuckling, he let his eyes roam down her body. She was wearing a large sweater with leggings, her usual attire for her days off. He pushed back a stray piece of hair that came loose from her messy top knot as her hands moved to rest on his lower back. "Where is the diva?" He asked, glancing over before looking back at his wife._

 _"Charlotte Benson Tucker, you better be behaving yourself!" She called before eyeing her husband. "She's been being way too quiet."_

 _Raising his eyebrows in a challenge, Ed reasoned. "Sounds like she's being good to me."_

 _"Yeah, highly unlikely with your rotten streak." She huffed._

 _As if on cue, eleven month old Charlotte Tucker toddled into the kitchen with the help of her walker, slapping her hands excitedly against the tray. She was the spitting image of Olivia, right down to the dark brown waves that topped her head and her practically toothless smile. But her eyes, they were all Ed. Crystal blue and squinting when she smiled._

 _"There's my Charlie girl", Ed cooed as he lifted her from her walker. She squealed happily, her limbs flailing as he brought her to his chest. He placed kisses all over her rosey face as her chubby hands found his cheeks._

 _Olivia could not help the smile that spread across her face at watching her husband and her daughter together. Ed was such a natural with her that it was hard to believe that he went over fifty years without being a father. They completely owned her heart and soul._

 _Placing one arm around Olivia, he pulled her into his side with his other arm bounced their little girl. "Charlie", Olivia sang, getting her daughters attention. "Can you tell Dada what you learned today." The baby let out a squeal of a laugh as she caught her mother's finger in her plump fist. "Who is this? Can you tell me who this is?" She asked, motioning to Ed._

 _Charlie's tiny lips moved in the motion of forming words until they actually produced sound. "Da...da, dada!"_

 _"That's right!", Olivia encouraged, leaning forward and kissing her rosey cheeks._

 _"Oh my god, that's amazing!" Ed beamed, hugging his daughter to his chest as he looked at Olivia. "Why didn't you tell me? You text me if she has a messy diaper but not for this?"_

 _She returned his smile ten fold. "I needed to see the look on your face." She explained, reaching up to plant a kiss on his lips._

 _Nuzzling her face in her father's neck, Charlie brought her tiny fists up to rub against her eyes. "Oh, someone's tired." Ed mused, kissing her soft hair._

 _"Come here, sweet girl." Olivia whispered, taking her daughter from her husband and bringing her to her chest. "Let's get you to bed." She placed a warm hand on his chest before heading into the nursery._

 _Watching then disappear into the other room, he loosened his tie and rolled up the sleeves to his dress shirt as he walked over to pour himself a tumbler of bourbon. He walked back into the living room and flopped onto the couch, sighing as he brought the glass up to his mouth before closing his eyes._

 _Ed found himself opening his eyes as he felt his bourbon being pulled out of his hand. When he did, he saw his wife bending over him. "Rough day?" She asked, placing the glass behind her on the coffee table before straddling his lap._

 _"Yeah", he breathed, his hands finding their way to his thighs. She must have changed when he dozed off because instead of her leggings she was now wearing cotton shorts. "But I think it's about to get a little better." He hummed, his fingers tips slipping under the material of her shorts to rub against the smooth skin of his thighs. "Is Char..."_

 _"Shhh...", she interrupted, her hands coming up to the sides of his neck. She gently rubbed both of his earlobes between her thumb and forefinger, something she always did to relieve his stress. "I want you to relax."_

 _Letting out a pent up breath, he let his eyes fall closed. He could feel the stress dissolving from his body as her fingers worked against his skin. She noticed his shoulders sag and the lines between his eyebrows relax._

 _His hands moved to grip her hips and pull them against his. She felt his arousal against her and chuckled, burying her face in his neck. "I'm trying to calm you down, Leiutenant, not rile you up."_

 _"I can't help it", he groaned as her lips moved against his skin. "You feel too good in my lap."_

 _Pulling back, she brushed her nose against his. "I know something that will feel even better." She whispered against his mouth before her lips covered his. His hand threaded through her hair as his tongue invaded her mouth. She rose onto her knees as her hands found his belt buckle. Lifting his hips, he let her push his slacks down while he helped her maneuver out of her shorts._

 _Her lips reconnected with his as she grabbed both sides of her dress shirt and yanked, causing the material to split and several small buttons to scatter across the floor. "Fuck", he growled as he pulled back, the fiery look in her eyes only making him want her more._

 _Gripping her hips, he lifted her up before allowing her to sink down on him. She held onto the back of his neck as her mouth hovered over his, her breath mingling with his as she felt him fill her. His eyes met hers, all the emotions she felt pouring into him. He craned his head up and captured her lips in a quick kiss._ _Her face pressed against his as his arms wrapped completely around her waist, holding her to him._

 _Moving quickly, he stood from the couch with her body still wrapped around his before laying her down on the couch and covering her body with his. His fingers tangled in her hair, allowing his large palms to cradle the back of her head. Her hands anchored to the muscles of his back as his nose brushed against hers again. "My beautiful girl", he breathed, his hot breath searing her wet lips. "This is what I think about all day, being here with you. Like this."_

 _"God, Ed", she moaned, her hand coming up to thread through her hair as she looked down between their bodies. That only spurred him on, he pressed his lips against her forehead as his body increased it's rhythm. She could feel the heat pooling in her belly as he moved over her, inside of her. She ran her hand down his neck to his chest, chasing the redness that spread across his pale skin._

 _Looking down between their bodies, he growled at the sight of her breasts up against his chest before he pressed his face against hers. His hand found the back of her knee and hitched it up high over his hip, allowing him to reach deeper inside of her. Her_ mouth _dropped open in a silent moan as she grippped his broad shoulders._

 _"Relax, Liv", he breathed against her rosey cheek as he thrust as against her. "Take all of me."_ _She complied, wrapping her other leg around his waist and opening herself up to him._

 _Moving her head to the side, she captured his lips with hers and moaned into his mouth as continued to move against her._

* * *

Taking Ed's earlobes between her fingers, Olivia massaged them gently. His eyes fell closed, the familiar calming sensation washing over him. She kept her eyes on his face, watching as the lines between his eyebrows disappeared and the tension around his mouth dissipated.

As if they had a mind of their own, his hands reached out to rest of the curve of her hips. Her breath caught in her throat at the contact but she found herself stepping forward so their bodies were practically touching.

His head fell forward until his forehead connected with her temple. A chill ran down her body as she felt his warm breath against the hollow of her throat.

Olivia's hands stopped their ministrations before moving to rest on the side of his neck, her brain seemingly not able to function due to his proximity. He shifted so his forehead was against hers, their noses brushing each other.

Her eyes fluttered open, focusing on his lips before moving to meet his blue eyes. Her thumbs rubbed against his cheek as their breath mingled between them.

The sound of her phone ringing in her pocket caused to her take a step back from him, taking a moment to clear the haze that had washed over them.

Taking her phone out of your pocket, she glanced one more look at him before answering it. "Hey, Melinda." She greeted, turning her back to him. He scratched the back of his neck as he looked down the corridor, suddenly embarrassed by their impromptu PDA.

Hanging up her phone, she turned back to him. "I have to head down to the M.E.'s office." She explained, motioning down the hallway.

"Okay, I can drive you..." He offered, taking a step towards her.

She waved a hand in dismissal. "No, that's alright. I can take a cab." She explained, stepping forward and cautiously placing her hand on his chest. "Take care of yourself, Tuck."

He lifted his hand up to cover hers but before he could she removed it and started down the hallway.

* * *

 _Later that night..._

Flopping back on the couch, Olivia lifted her slippered feet onto the coffee table as she sipped the red wine in her hand. She let her head fall against the back of the couch as the soothing liquid slid down her throat.

She had spent the last two years wondering what it would be like when she saw Ed again but she never would have expected this. When she was with him it could feel like no time has passed and the next moment it could feel like a lifetime was between them.

A knock on the door brought her out of her thoughts. Placing the wine glass down on the coffee table and looked down at her current attire. Nothing like answering the door wearing baggy plaid pajama pants and a ratty NYPD shirt.

Looking through the peephole, she grabbed the door knob and slowly opened her door. What she saw on the other side made her heart ache.

Ed. In her apartment hallway, his tie loose and his suit jacket rumpled. He was propping himself up against the door jam with one outstretched arm, the same hand clutching an almost-empty fifth of bourbon.

"Ed... what are you doing here?" She asked, crossing her arms over as she eyed the liquor bottle. "Are you okay?"

He looked up, his bloodshot eyes meeting hers as tears threatened to spill out. "I'm so sorry, Liv...", he rasped, running his other hand over his face. She looked down at her shuffling feet, finding it hard to see him like this... again. Emotions were taking over him and he had to control his quivering chin. "I'm sorry... I killed our... daughter."

He could barely get the words but as soon as he did he completely dissolved into a mess of tears.

* * *

 **There y'all have it! The end of chapter three... please don't kill me! Now, I'm not sure if Rick Eid agrees but I feel that no matter what is thrown at them, Tuckson belongs together!**

 **Let me know your thoughts! They really do give me inspiration to write!**


	4. Chapter 4

**Wow! You guys are amazing! Some of you love this story so much that you have been promoting it on twitter and that absolutely blows me away! I only have a personal twitter account so I don't promote my stories, it's so humbling to see other people do it!**

 **I've gotten some reviews saying that they are really displeased with the direction with the story and have decided to unsubscribe and I totally understand. I write very real situations with very real emotions and some people read fanfic for a fluffy escape but that's not what I'm about.**

 **Anyway! On with the story...**

* * *

They stood there in the door way for several minutes, the silence volleying between them like a solemn game of tennis. Taking a deep breath, Ed straightened up and ran a hand down his weary face before wiping his cheeks with the back of the fist that gripped the bottle. "I'm sorry, I never should have come..." He mumbled, his bloodshot eyes meeting hers. He nodded and blinked, the remaining tears falling down his cheeks causing her face to soften.

As he turned away to walk away, Olivia spotted a cut above his left eyebrow. "Wait", she called, clearing her throat. "You're hurt. Come in, let me clean it up."

Moving to the side, she opened the door wider to let him in and receiving a small smile from him as she did. "Nice place you got here." He surveyed, looking around her apartment.

Locking the door, she turned around and pointed down the hallway. "Bathroom's this way."

She entered the bathroom with Ed on her heels and began rummaging through the medicine cabinet. "Take off your jacket." She instructed, gathering what she needed. He did as she said, folding his jacket and placing it on the back of the toilet before he rolled up his sleeves and sat on the closed lid of the toilet.

Placing the supplies on the counter, she moved to stand between his legs and gingerly took his face in his hands. She tilted his head to the side as she examined the cut above his eyebrow and he couldn't help but stare at her out of his periphery. "What happened?" She asked lowly, opening the anti-bacterial cream.

"I, uh, I punched a cabinet door." He muttered, clearing his throat. "Didn't expect it to bounce back and seek its revenge."

Grabbing his chin gently, she turned his face to the side. "I can see you've still got a handle on your temper." She bit sarcastically. He let out a little laugh before he sucked a hiss through his teeth as she pressed the ointment to his exposed wound. "You got to be careful with those cabinets, it hasn't even been three years since we installed them."

"I know", he breathed, his eyes moving to study her face again. Her eyebrows furrowed in concentration as she tended to his injury, her lips set in a firm line. Her fingers were soft and caring against his skin and he couldn't help his eyes from drifting closed. He brought his hands up to rest against the back of her thighs and he felt her hands falter at the contact.

His head was foggy but all that he could comprehend was the smell of her freshly washed hair engulfing him and the feeling of her warm digits on his face. He had been careful to keep an appropriate distance all night but the memories flooding his senses and the alcohol in his system were impairing his judgement greatly.

Once he felt her smooth the small bandage onto his cut, he leaned forward and pressed his face against her soft stomach as his hands adjusted on her thighs. He let out a pent up breath as he felt one of her hands scratch against the back of his head while the other moved to press against the back of his shoulder.

They stayed there in that position for several minutes, reveling in the muscle memory of being in each other's arms again. "Ed", she whispered, rubbing his shoulder blade once she heard his breathing start to even out. He pulled away from her, sparing her an apologetic glance before wiping a hand over his tired face. "C'mon, I'm sure you'll be more comfortable on the couch."

"I doubt that." He mumbled under his breath as he followed Olivia into the living area, causing a small smile to tug at her lips.

Motioning to the couch, she made her way into the kitchen while Ed flopped down onto the inviting sofa. Leaning his head back, he let it sink into the soft material as he heard the faucet in the kitchen running. He tried to focus on the sound of his breathing as he willed his head to stop spinning.

Feeling the couch dip next to him, he opened one eye and peaked over at her. She was holding out a glass of water and he accepted it, bringing it to his lips. Her body relaxed and she sank into the couch, head back and eyes closed as he gulped down the water.

Placing the glass on the coffee table, he relaxed back into the couch unknowingly mirroring her position. He turned his head towards her and let his eyes roam the expanse of her face. The lines that have found their way onto her forehead after years of furrowing her brow, the dark eyelashes that rest on her high cheekbones, the way the corner of her lips turned down at the edges as she relaxed from the stress of her day.

Feeling his gaze, her eyes blinked open to meet his bloodshot ones. She gave him a sheepish smile before looking away, suddenly feeling bashful under his gaze. They allowed a lull to settled between them for several minutes until his raspy voice tore through the silence.

"All I wanted was for you to get to continue your tradition." He muttered, his voice hoarse. His admission caused her eyes to shoot to his face, his lips set in a hard line while his solemn eyes were downcast to avoid hers.

"I know." She breathed.

He lifted his eyes to meet hers, the emotion swirling in his blue orbs making her heart ache. "It's all my fault." He surmised, his voice cracking.

Grabbing one of his hands, she held it between both of hers. "It's not." She tried to reassure, her voice smaller than she had hoped.

His eyebrows knitted together as he looked down, nodding his head. "It is." He sniffled, his free hand coming up to run over his eyes quickly. He continued looking down for several seconds, trying to form the right words. "I know you wanted a clean break, I know that, but then I saw you walk in that room tonight and my heart stopped." He explained, finding the courage to look her in the eyes. She realized that their glassy appearance was due to more than the alcohol. "It doesn't matter that I haven't seen you in two years, you're still my favorite person in the world."

Bringing her hands to his face, her thumbs wiped aways the tears that threatened to fall from his eyes while her own vision became blurred with them. "I'll never forgive myself for what I did to you, to..." he croaked only to be cut off by her face pressed against his, her flushed cheek against his scruffy one.

"Shhh", she soothed, one of her hands rubbing the silver hair at the back of his head while the other held onto his reddened neck. After a couple of moments, his breath began to regulate and she nodded her head against his. "There you go, just relax."

Pressing her forehead against his, they leaned against the back of the couch with their hands joined between them. His eyes were closed and his breathing began to even out and she knew that he was on the verge of slipping into sleep. She felt her body start to relax into sleep as well until she heard the words leave his mouth.

"I love you, kid."

* * *

 _Ed couldn't help the smile that spread across his face at seeing his wife's name and face light up the screen of his phone. "Hey, you. Are you on your way home?" He asked, bringing the phone to his ear._

 _"No, I'm swamped with this paperwork." She sighed. "I don't know when I'll be home."_

 _His eyes wandered to where twenty month old Charlie was staring mesmerized at the blinking lights of the Christmas tree. "It's Christmas Eve, Liv", he explained trying not to sound annoyed. "The diva and I have on our matching pajamas just like you wanted. All we're missing is you, Mama."_

 _"I know, I'm sorry." She huffed, running a frazzled hand through her hair. "Take a picture of the two of you and text it to me."_

 _Walking over to the coffee table, Ed fingered the tissue paper sticking out of the gift bag that held her set of matching pajamas. "But you said that you wanted to take a picture of all of us in our matching pajamas every Christmas Eve." He replied, balancing his phone between his shoulder and his ear as he bent down to pick up his daughter._

 _He heard her release a breath over the phone, the defeat in her tone inevitable. "I guess it was childish of me to think that we could have traditions in this line of work."_

 _They fell into a silence until he heard someone knock on the door to her office through the phone. "Okay, I know you're busy so I'll let you go. I love ya, kid."_

 _She could feel her shoulders suddenly feel lighter at his words. "You too." She responded, silently letting Carisi know she would be done soon. He nodded, exiting the office._

 _He couldn't help but smirk at the curt response she always used when at work. "Be safe, Mama." He instructed._

 _A full smile spread across her face at his customary parting words. "You too, Papa." She replied._

 _Smirking, he placed his cell phone down on the coffee table as he sat down on the couch with the little girl on his lap. He chuckled as he watched her in her red plaid footsie pajamas, the ones that matched his red plaid pajama pants. Both of her chubby fists gripped his pointer fingers as she wiggled in his lap. "Do you miss mama, baby?"_

 _Her eyes lit up at the mention of Olivia. She crawled to lean against his chest, her hands flailing excitedly against him. "Ma... ma, mama!"_

 _"That's it, let's go see mama." Ed decided, rising from the couch and gently tossing her up before catching her. Charlie squealed excitedly in return._

 _Decking Charlie out in her winter gear, he slipped his own coat before grabbing Olivia's gift and heading out the door._

* * *

 _Not being able to keep the panic at bay, Olivia rushed through the ER frantically as she tried to locate the right exam room. As soon as she did, she ripped the curtain opened to find her husband sitting on the exam table. He was shirtless with a bandage wrapped around his chest and over his left shoulder, rubbing his hands nervously on his plaid pajama pants as a doctor cleaned the gash on his jaw line._

 _"Oh my God, Ed", she gasped as she rushed to his side, the urge to hug him taking over. He hissed in pain at the contact causing her to quickly pull away. "What happened? Where's Charlie?" She asked nervously, one hand on his good shoulder while the other hovered over his bandaged midsection._

 _Looking up at her, his watery eyes met hers. "I don't know", he rasped, his voice wavering. "We were on our way to come surprise you and someone ran the red light and slammed into us." He explained emotionally, his words beginning to chip away at Olivia's normally calm exterior. "I tried to tell them not to but they took us in separate ambulances. I haven't seen her since."_

 _The doctor finished up his sutures and began cleaning up his supplies. "The other doctor should be in shortly to give you an update on your daughter." He explained, taking off his gloves. They both nodded in acknowledgement as he left the room._

 _It didn't take long for Ed to fall apart. His face crumbled_ _as his shoulders began to shake with tears. Moving to stand in front of where he was sitting on the exam table, Olivia wrapped her arms around his shoulders causing his face to press against her chest. She couldn't help the tears that welled in her eyes as her husband broke down against her._

 _Gently grabbing the sides of his face, she made him look at her. "Everything is going to be okay." She persisted even though she was not sure she believed it herself. His red eyes were pleading with hers to be right._

 _Just then the doctor walked into the room, leaving the door ajar behind him. The sound of christmas music floating in from the hallway. He worried a used scrub cap between his clasped hands and Olivia's heart immediately dropped at the sight of his blood- stained scrubs. "No...", she breathed, barely audible._

 _"Mr. and Mrs. Tucker", he began, his solemn eyes meeting theirs. "We did everything we could to save your daughter. I'm so sorry..."_

 _Someday soon we all will be together, if the fates allow  
Until then, we'll have to muddle through somehow  
So have yourself a merry little Christmas now_

* * *

Jolting awake, Olivia heaved large breaths as she tried gain her bearings on her surroundings. She was laying on her back on her couch, a cold sheen of sweat covering her body as she looked around her dark living room.

Finding it difficult to move, she looked down to find Ed sleeping on top of her. His body was in between her legs while his head rested on her stomach and his hands tucked under her back. Her breathing regulated as she looked down at his sleeping form, running a hand down his silver hair. They had laid like this more times than she could count, it was only natural that they ended up like this after they both fell asleep.

"It's Christmas Eve", he croaked, his voice raspy with sleep. She hummed in confirmation, her nails scratching against his scalp. "Officially the worst day of the year." He sighed. His fingers flexed against her back as he lifted his head to look at her, his chin resting against her lower stomach. "I miss Charlie." He confessed, she couldn't tell if his eyes were red from emotion or sleep.

She blinked against the tears that were threatening to flood her eyes. "Me too, Tuck." She muttered, her throat tight with grief as she ran a thumb across his masculine cheek. "That's pretty much my first thought when I wake up in the morning too."

The fog of sleep finally dissipated and he realized their bodies proximity. "I'm sorry", he mumbled as he began to move off of her.

Placing both of her hands on his shoulders, she stopped him. "Ed", she began, her voice small. His eyes moved to his face but her eyes were downcast, avoiding his. "I just want you to know that I don't blame you for, you know, what happened to..." She trailed off, unable to say her name.

Nodding his head, the realization suddenly dawned on him that he had Olivia had coped with their daughter's death in completely different ways. "I haven't heard you say her name once..." He observed, his eyes focusing on where his fingers toyed with the hem of her old t-shirt.

She nodded in confirmation, her fingers starting to dig into the muscles of his shoulders. "It's hard for me..."

"Hey", he rasped, getting her attention. "You don't have to hide your emotions from me. I know what it's like to not talk about her in certain situations because you know the effect it has on you. But you're with me, in your apartment. You're safe here." He explained, the tips of his fingers dipping underneath the hem of her sleepshirt to gently rub against her hipbones. She nodded in understanding, bringing her hands up to wipe away the tears that were brimming on her eyes lids.

A comfortable silence washed over them as the glow from the rising sun began peaking through the slits in the curtains. "This is mine." He muttered, fingering the familiar hole at the hem of her old NYPD shirt.

Nodding, she watched as he played with the cotton. "I, uh, took it with me when I left." She confessed, clearing her throat. "Your smell was the only thing that helped me sleep. I wore it every night until it smelled more like me than it did you." She felt the weight of his gaze as he processed what she was saying.

"You, uh, you missed me?" Ed croauked, his eyes meeting hers. He moved his hands up her side, feeling the worn fabric of his old t-shirt.

She chuckled at the surprise on his face. "Of course I did, Ed." She said, placing her hands over his. "You were the love of my life."

Not being able to help himself, he moved up her body so he was now face to face with her. Her eyes widened as he used one hand to brush back the hair from her face while the other propped himself up. _"_ You _are_ the love of my life, Olivia Benson... _Tucker_." He whispered, lowering his face to hers and rubbing his nose against hers. "You always will be, kid."

Olivia's wide eyes searched his face as his mouth hovered over hers, his warm breath engulfing her. His eyes connected with hers as he closed the space between them, catching her lips with his.

Bringing his hand to press against her cheek, he moved his lips slowly against hers as he tested the waters. When the shock began to wear off, she felt her lips began to react to his as she brought her hands to the muscles of his back.

Feeling her arms circle his midsection, he let his body cover hers causing her to sink farther into the couch. He slanted his mouth over hers, letting his tongue snake out to tease her mouth. She moaned into his mouth and her hands moved to the back of his head, holding him against her. He planted one of his forearms by her head while his other hand moved to the hem of her shirt, his fingertips dipping beneath the fabric to rub against the soft skin on her stomach.

The familiarity of the situation that she initially found comforting suddenly made her anxious. Her heart began to race as images of their life together flooded her mind, one in particular forever haunting her. Her daughter, _their daughter._ Charlie.

Her hands found his cheeks as she pulled her lips away from his, her breath puffing out in heaving pants. "Ed", she whispered. "I can't." He looked down at her and he felt a massive wave of guilt wash over him. Her eyes were glassing over with unshed tears as her trembling fingers brushed against her kiss-bruised lips.

Immediately backing away from her, Ed perched on the opposite side of the couch with his hands scrubbing his face. "I'm sorry, Liv." He rasped, sparing a glance in her direction.

Exhaling a large breath, she buried a hand in her hair. "It's not your fault." She sighed.

"I should, uh, get going." He said, pushing off the couch and heading to the foyer. Olivia followed him, pulling at her shirt nervously as she watched him slip his jacket on. He turned to her and shuffled from one foot to the other, not entirely sure what to say or do.

"Ed, I...", she began but he waved his hand in dismissal.

He stepped towards her, placing his hands on her shoulders. "You don't have to explain yourself." he stated softly. She gave him a sad smile that didn't quite reach her eyes before he leaned forward, pressing a kiss to her cheek. Her eyes closed at the feeling of his soft lips lingering against her warm skin. Pulling back, he pushed a piece of stray hair behind her ear. "Be safe, Mama."

A small sob she didn't know she was suppressing escaped her throat as she pressed her fingers against his trembling lips. "You too, Papa." She replied in a strangled whimper.

With a nod and a half hearted smirk, Ed turned and opened the door, retreating into the hallway. At the sound of the door clicking closed, Olivia buried her face in her hands as she left herself feel the weight of emotions that had been swirling inside her since the night before.

* * *

 **Hope you all enjoyed this chapter! I look forward to hearing what you think!**

 **As for the elephant in the room, I'm crushed about the end of Tuckson but I will finish this story and will continue to write Tuckson as long as inspiration strikes.**

 **I have also made banners for some of my stories. Most of them are horizontal therefore will not fit in the image are on this website. If you are interested in seeing them, leave a review with your twitter handle and I will be sure to DM them to you!**


	5. Chapter 5

**OMG** **you** **guys are incredible! Thank you for all your love! I tapped into my inner Olivia Benson and did some investigating and I have actually found some of your discussions about this story on twitter and I can't tell you how much I appreciate that!**

 **This story is beginning to wrap up. There will probably be one more chapter after this one. The end of Tuckson had nothing to do with this story ending, this is how it was planned the whole time. I'm a firm believer in not dragging things out and I feel like after this chapter you'll see why this is organically wrapping up.**

 **But don't you guys worry, I have plenty of story ideas up my sleeve. Some are shorter multi-chapter stories like this one and others are one-shots.**

* * *

 _Four and a half months later..._

The elevator dinged open, Olivia sighed and began to walk into her desolate precinct. The detective floor of the Special Victims Unit was usually pretty vacant on Sundays and today was no different. Olivia had agreed to finish the week's paperwork for Amanda so she could have the day off to spend with Jessie.

There is nowhere else Olivia would rather be today than in her office, buried in paperwork and shut out from the rest of the world. Just on her commute from her apartment, she saw dozens of mothers spending time with their children and her stomach turned every time.

Mother's Day. Yet another day she wish she could just sleep through.

Opening the door to her office, she was taken aback by the bouquet of flowers on her desk in a glass vase. Orange roses, her favorite. Placing her bag down on the leather sofa, she walked to her desk and grabbed the card that accompanied the flowers. She flipped the card over in her nimble fingers and her heart lurched at the sight of his familiar scrawl.

 _I'm not a religious man but if there is one time I ever felt blessed, it was when I saw the look in your eye the first time you held our daughter. To me, you will always be the most dotting, loving and selfless mothers to ever exist. Be safe, Mama. -E_

Taking a steadying breath, Olivia did her best to fight the swell of tears as heat prickled at the back of her eyes. She slipped the card into the breast pocket of the black leather jacket she was wearing before turning and heading out the door.

* * *

 _Nodding in appreciation, Ed received hugs and supported pats on the shoulder from Olivia's squad as they turned to leave the apartment. Closing the door behind them, Ed sighed heavily as he looked towards their bedroom. They hadn't been home from the funeral service even a half hour before_ _Olivia had disappeared into the bedroom to freshen up. That had been over an hour and a half ago._

 _Opening the door, he heard the shower running from the en suite bathroom. He followed the noise into the adjoining room and saw her clothes scattered all over the white tile floor. Peaking through the shower curtain, Ed found her curled up on the floor under the spray of the shower head. She had her legs pulled to her chest with her face buried in her knees, her whole body shaking._

 _Quickly stripping down to his underwear, Ed slipped through the curtain so he was kneeling down in front of his wife. Noting that the water had started to turn cold, he brought his hands to the sides of her face as he eyes took in her appearance. Her closed eyes were red and puffy and her lips quivered with the sobs that were wracking her body. When she opened her eyes and saw him in front of her, she tried to bury her face back in her knees._

 _"Hey", he whispered, pressing his lips against her forehead as his arms encircled her naked body. "Come here", he breathed against her drenched hair as he gently picked her up, one arm around her back with the other was under the back of her knees. With careful movements, he stepped out of the shower and carried her into the bedroom after swiftly grabbing a towel on the way._

 _Ed wrapped her in the towel as he placed her down on the bed before turning to the dresser to grab dry clothes. He spared a glance back at her as he did so. Her vacant eyes stared straight ahead, the tips of her hair dripped with water as her bottom lip trembled. Slipping his oversized NYPD shirt over her head, he helped her place her arms through sleeves._

 _Climbing on the bed behind her, he gathered her wet hair in his hands and tied it up into a messy bun. Wrapping his arms around her shoulders, he placed a kiss on the exposed skin of her neck before climbing off the bed. He pulled the covers back and allowed her to crawl underneath before turning away to pull on dry pajama pants._

 _And that's when he heard her small, weak voice say something he would never forget. "I'm not a mom anymore."_

 _Whipping around at her words, Ed saw his wife begin to crumble. She was hugging the pillow under her head, tears threatening to spill from her eyelids as her lips quivered with impending sobs. He was immediately at her side, kneeling down at the side of the bed and wrapping his arms around her shaking form._

 _The sound of her cries echoing the silent room is something that would stay with him forever. He felt his own emotions rise on the back of his neck and he knew that his own breakdown was imminent._

 _Maintaining_ _his hold on her, he moved to slip under the blankets with her and pulled her body flush against his. Her arms wrapped around his shoulders as she wept into his neck. Laying on his side, he clung to her and let her cry and scream against him for as long as she needed._

 _When she finally began to calm down, Ed pulled back and laid kissed along the expanse of her face. He brought a hand to her face, rubbing his thumb along the apple of her cheek in an attempt to coax her eyes open._

 _"Listen to me", he whispered in his gruff voice. Her eyelids fluttered open and she met his gaze, both their eyes equally bloodshot and swollen. "You are, and will always be, a mother." He urged deeply. Her face began to dissolve into tears again and he pressed his forehead against hers as he continued. "Saying that you're not a mom is saying that she never existed. We made her, you carried her for nine months, spent eighteen hours in labor with her. We looked into her eyes, watched her take her first steps. I will carry her in my heart for the rest of my life and in my heart, I will always be Charlie's dad. And if you do the same, you will always be her mom."_

 _He hadn't realized he was crying again until Olivia brought her fingers up to his face to wipe the tear tracks from his cheeks. Her eyes, while filled with grief and anguish, held such love and empathy for her husband as she pressed her face against his. "I don't deserve you." She breathed against his cheeks before hugging him close again._

 _They held each other until their breathing evened out and they drifted off into the first sound sleep since that fateful Christmas Eve._

* * *

Knocking at the door to his office, Olivia slowly opened the door when she heard his gruff voice from inside. She knew he would be working today. Ed looked up as she walked in his office, a look of surprise blatant on his face. He couldn't stop his eyes from raking over her body, drinking in the appearance of her in her casual work attire. A black leather jacket covering a royal blue v-neck, her toned legs in dark wash skinny jeans leading down to her black booties. "Olivia", he greeted, leaning back in his chair. "I wasn't expecting you."

"Oh, you weren't?" Olivia replied, looking down at her feet as she shuffled farther into the office. She reached into the pocket of her leather jacket, pulling out the card and twirling the thick parchment between her fingers.

Eyeing the item in her hands, he looked up to her face. Her hair was pulled up into smooth ponytail, leaving every angle of her face exposed to his gaze. The corners of her lips where turned down and her eyes were solemn. "You didn't like the flowers?"

She let out a small chuckle at how small his voice sounded. "Of course I liked them, they're my favorite." She explained, slipping the card back into her jacket pocket. "But you already knew that."

Leaning back in his chair, he busied his hands with picking an invisible piece of lint off of his polo before smiling shyly up at her. "Guilty as charged."

A silence settled over them as she looked down at her shuffling feet, avoiding his gaze. "You can't keep doing this, Ed." She sighed lowly, slipping her hands into the back pockets of her fitted jeans.

He squinted his eyes in question as he leaned forward. "And what's that?" He asked, his hands smoothing out on his desk.

"For being so... _you_." she blurted out, the exasperation evident in her voice.

Standing from his chair, he made his way to the front of his desk. She watched him as he moved, a light blue polo stretching across his muscular torso and tucked into khaki pants that clung to him in all the right ways. "I don't know who else to be, kid." He chuckled, leaning back against the front of his desk. "What's going on, Liv?"

She looked down at where her heeled boots were planted firmly to the ground, trying to find the right words. Taking a deep breath, she pressed her shaking palms to her denim clad thighs. "I left you for a reason." She stated, barely audible.

His eyes widened and he let out an incredulous laugh at her blunt words. "Oh, trust me, I've spent the last two years trying to figure out what _that reason_ could be." He bit back, his tone harsher than normal.

Olivia tried to let his jab roll off of her but she felt her heart twinge at his words. She cleared her throat, her voice small. "You need to stop doing these things, Ed. It... confuses me." She didn't have to explain, he knew what she meant.

Pushing off the front of the desk, he stood tall while folding his arms across his chest. "It shouldn't confuse you, Liv. You made up your mind about us a long time ago, the second you walked out that door."

Looking up at his face, the hurt radiating from his blue eyes causing emotion to rise in her throat. "You act like I left you because I stopped loving you." she whispered, her voice cracking.

"Well, didn't you?" He asked, his voice softer as he took a tentative step forward.

By the look in his eyes she could tell that he actually believed that and she felt the tears start to flood her eyes. "Of course not." She muttered, pressing her lips together in an attempt to keep her emotions at bay.

"Wow", he breathed, bringing his hand up to run over his mouth. The motion caused his bicep to flex against the sleeve of his polo and that didn't go unnoticed by Olivia. She could tell that he was processing what she just said, the new piece of information making him question the whole past two years. "Why did you leave?" He asked, his eyes meeting hers.

His eyes always had a way of gazing straight into her soul and now was no different. How could she tell him the real reason she left? Just the thought of saying the words had tears cascading down her cheeks. "I couldn't", she choked on a sob, "Every time I looked at you I saw _her..._ and it killed me."

Sobs finally overtook her body as she brought her hands up to cover her face. Despite the pain he felt at her words, Ed stepped forward and gathered her in his arms. One of his hands went to the back of her neck while he pressed his mouth into her hair.

They stood like that for several minutes, his body wrapped around hers, as he waited for her weeps to subside. When they did, he pulled back and held her face in his large hands. "I see Charlie every time I look at this face too, ya know?" He smirked as his thumbs wiped the tear tracks from her cheeks.

"You do?" She sniffled, watching him as he ran his fingers gently over her blotchy face.

"Of course", he rasped and his hands moved to rest on her shoulders. "She was practically your twin, she just had my eyes."

She brought her hands up to wipe away the rogue tears from under her chin. "They were really pretty eyes." She laughed lightly before pursing her trembling lips.

"Beautiful", he agreed as a smile spread across his face. "I used to think about Charlie all day, every day. I still do and it guts me that I couldn't protect her, that I couldn't trade places with her." He explained, his voice becoming gruffer with each passing word. "But then, I would look at you and have this overwhelming feeling of gratitude because I knew I still had a piece of her with me."

Sensing his rising emotions, Olivia reached out and grabbed one of his large hands between her small ones. He had to take a deep breath to steady himself before speaking again. "The day you left", he croaked before clearing his throat. "God, I felt like I had lost her all over again." He weeped, rubbing his free hand down his face. "And the only person I wanted to talk about it was you."

Reaching up, she grabbed the back of his neck before pulling him to her. He buried his face in her neck as he cried silently, his arms encircling her thin waist. "I'm so sorry." She whispered, her throat thick as she held him to her.

For the first time in two years, she realized the effect that walking out the door had on her ex-husband. The guilt was almost too much to bear and her regret suddenly became overwhelming.

Pulling back, he took a deep breath and swiped a hand down his face to regain his composure. "You were my best friend, kid." He admitted huskily, residual tears making his eyes exceptionally blue. "I had no idea what to do without you, I still don't."

He felt her eyes on him and he looked away, suddenly feeling self conscious of his confession. "I guess I sound kind of pathetic, huh?" He muttered, moving to lean back against his desk.

Stepping forward so she was practically between his legs, she placed a finger under his chin and made him look at her. "No", she breathed as her warm brown eyes searched his face, his position against the desk causing her to now be an inch or two taller than him. His hands came up to rest against her hips like an old habit as her finger reached out to trace the lines of his face.

Settling into a comfortable silence, his eyes drifted closed as her fingers moved to scratch against the silver hair at the back of his head. "When you came over on Christmas Eve", she began, his eyes opening at her timid tone. "You, uh, you said something before you fell asleep. I know you were drunk but..."

"I didn't drink that much." He rasped, cutting her off. Her eyes flew to his, his words resignating from their first date. He meant it, he loved her.

Squeezing the back of her thighs, he pulled her closer so her body was against his. Surprise was ever present in her eyes but that didn't stop her arms from circling around his neck as his face approached hers. His warm breath surrounded her and just when his lips were mere millimeters away from hers, he whispered, "I love you."

Before she even had time to react his lips were covering hers. It didn't take long for her to surrender to him, her body folding into his as she opened her mouth over his. His hands moved up the back of her thighs, grazed over the curve of her backside before settling under her leather jacket as her lips teased his.

Scraping her nails along his scalp, Olivia moaned into his mouth as his tongue tangled with hers. She felt him begin to fist the material of her v-neck in his hands, a tell tale sign that the lust building inside him was starting to come to a head.

Pulling back, she pressed her forehead against his as she tried to calm her heaving breaths. "We can't do this here." She stated lowly as if people could hear them, her fingers gliding along the reddened skin of his neck.

"Do what?" He teased, his eyes dancing with equal parts lust and jest. She began to pull away playfully only for him to bring her back against his chest. "Then come over tonight."

Her eyes widened at his request, returning to her former home was not something she anticipated when she woke up that morning. "To the apartment?" She stammered, bringing her thumbnail up between her teeth.

Knowing it was a nervous habit she hated, Ed took her hand away from her mouth before bringing it to his own lips then down against his chest. "To my apartment, _our_ apartment." He corrected, noting the hesitation on her face. "I promise I won't bite." He teased, as he leaned forward and pressed his nose to her cheek. "But from what I remember you liked that."

"Not as much as you liked the biting." She shot back, the corners of her mouth turning upward in a sultry smirk. A full blown Ed Tucker smile spread across his face at her response and she knew in that moment that she was fighting the inevitable.

"Okay", she conceded. "But on one condition." He raised his eyebrows, prompting her to continue. "You let me cook you dinner."

Feining shock, he brought a hand up his chest. "I thought you liked me." She smacked him in the chest but she couldn't bring herself to be the slightest bit mad. They wouldn't be them if there wasn't constant witty banter between them. His face softened as brought up a hand to her cheek, his thumb running over her plump lips. "You have no idea what I would give to see you in that kitchen again."

* * *

 **I hope you guys liked it! I know we really haven't seen an emotional side to Tucker on the show so hopefully I made him believable in this chapter. Please let me know what you think!**


	6. Chapter 6

**Hey guys! Thank you again for the amazing reviews! I hate to say but this story is wrapping up! I have so much love for this story and it has becoming my baby over the last couple of months.**

 **It is that reason that it may have taken me a little longer to update. I strive to keep the action and dialogue of the character as authentic as possible so if I don't believe it's working I will go as far as rewriting the entire chapter.**

 **Hope you all enjoy this chapter, it full of flashbacks and yes, resolution! A (non canon) hobby of Ed's is revealed in this chapter, it may even borderline OOC but I think it fits this story.**

 **This is the longest chapter in this whole story, a whopping 6K words. A treat for you guys being so loyal and patient. Love you babes!**

 **Without further ado...**

* * *

Placing his utensils on his empty plate, Ed stretched his arms over his head as he leaned back in his chair. "Damn, Liv. You wait until we're not together to learn to cook like that?" He teased. The corner of her lips lifted in a smile as she chewed the food that was in her mouth.

Bringing her beer bottle to her lips, she took a pull of amber liquid before looking over at him. "Hey, I'm a single woman. I needed to compete with all those young things out there and the best way to a man's heart is through his stomach."

He let his eyes unabashedly rake over her body where she sat, taking in her appearance. Her dark wash jeans clung to her shapely legs and her scoop neck Yankees t-shirt gave him an unhindered view of her supple cleavage. In any other situation he would have to force himself to keep his eyes on her face but not today. Her chocolate locks were pulled up into a sleek ponytail, showing off her sharp jawline and long neck. God, he loved her neck especially now, her olive skin tanned from the early summer sun. "Trust me, kid. They have nothing on you."

She blushed as she gave him a pointed look, her eyes brightening with the smile she was trying to suppress. "You're biased." She stated.

Standing from his chair, he gathered their empty plates. "Hell yeah I am." He admitted, moving to place the dishes in the dishwasher. Following him into the kitchen, Olivia began to clean up the remnants of dinner when she felt his hands on her shoulders. "Leave it." He murmured and reluctantly she listened, turning to face him.

"Hi", she whispered, her lips pulling up at the corners as her eyes met his.

Taking a deep breath, she tried to calm her racing heart as his eyes strayed from her face and down to the exposed skin of her neck and chest. When his eyes found hers again, they were heavy-lidded and radiating. "I want to show you something." He rasped, his warm breath puffing against her face.

Finding it hard to form words, she just swallowed and nodded her head in response. Taking her hand in his, he lead her into the living room. She sat on the edge of the couch as she watched him retrieve an old shoebox from one of the cabinets of the entertainment center.

Reaching the couch, he sat down close to her, so close that their legs were brushing as he placed the box on the coffee table. He stared at the box for a long moment before opening the top and taking out the camera, feeling the weight of it in his hands. "I found an old memory card sometime last year and got some shots printed. Thought you might want to see them." He explained, his eyes meeting hers.

Giving him a small smile, she nodded and he placed the camera down on the table before sifting through the box. She reached out and ran her fingertips along the hard plastic of the camera, remembering all the times it was the third wheel in their marriage. Thinking about all of the moments that was captured through that old lens made her heart ache.

She looked at him as he smirked down at the glossy page between his fingers, his eyes dancing with mischief. He handed her the picture and her lips turned upwards at the image in front of her. "My Sergeants pinning ceremony." She mused.

The image of Ed pinning her Sergeants badge of her chest made her heart race. Her face in the photo was stoic but her eyes were shining with giddiness and adoration. "You know, I had to have Cole take pictures of me pinning all twenty three Sergeants to not raise any suspicions." He informed, leaning closer.

"So secretive, Captain." Olivia teased, bumping her shoulder with his.

He couldn't help the blush that rose up his neck. "You're the one that wanted to keep our relationship private. I just wanted a picture of my girlfriend getting pinned."

Doing the math, she tilted her head and narrowed her eyes in question. "I wasn't your girlfriend then." She countered.

"Of course you were", He replied, his warm blue eyes searching her face. "You just didn't know it yet."

* * *

 _Squinting her eyes, Olivia made her way through the dim hallways of 1PP. Shortly after the ceremony had ended she tried to discretely look for him in the crowds of people before she received a cryptic text._

 _Meet me in my office x_

 _She had walked these halls a fair amount of times in her years at the NYPD but the offices looked desolate with it being a Saturday night. When she reached the door of his office, she couldn't help the smile that came to her face at seeing his name on the on the door._

 _They had been seeing each other for about two months and she still got butterflies at the sight of his name. Damn, she was in trouble._

 _With a light knock on the door, she opened the door slowly and what she saw made her heart skip a beat. Ed, still in his dress uniform sans the jacket, leaning back against his desk with a bouquet of orange roses in his arms. A bright smile spread across his face as he saw her._

 _Closing the door behind her, she let out a breathy chuckle as her hand came up to cover her heart. He straightened up as she reached him and extended the flowers out to her. "Ed", she breathed as she accepted the bouquet._

 _"Hope you like orange roses." He smirked as he watched her gaze down at the roses._

 _Looking back up at him, she gave him the warmest of smiles. "I usually lean towards white roses but I think orange ones might be my new favorite."_ _He smiled as he watched her bury her nose in the bouquet, inhaling their scent. She was still in her full dress uniform and her hat was obstructing his view of her beautiful face._

 _Reaching up, Ed grabbed the brim of her hat and gently pulled it off. She looked up at him, her hand coming up to smooth along her hair that was pulled back into a tight bun. His hand that was holding her hat found its way around her waist while the other reached up to cradle the side of her neck._

 _A smile played on her lips and her eyes fell closed as his lips covered hers. The arm that was around her waist pulled her closer, her lips smiling against his as the cellophane of the bouquet crinkling between them._

 _Turning them around so Olivia was against the edge of the desk, Ed placed her hat on the desk before taking the bouquet from her and placing them on the desk as well. Releasing her lips, he brushed his nose against hers as her eyes blinked open. "Congratulations, Sergeant." He breathed, a bright smile spreading across his face._

 _Without warning, he grabbed the sides of her waist as hoisted her up so she was seated on the desk causing a playful yelp to escape her lips. He stepped in between her legs and gripped her supple thighs while his mouth recaptured hers. His tongue darted out to tangle with hers as her hand came up to scratch against the silver hair at the back of his head._

 _His hands travelled up her sides, along the stiff material of her dress jacket before his thumbs brushed the sides of her breasts. He tore his lips away from hers to kiss along her cheek. "I had to bribe the guy that was supposed to do the pinning tonight to drop out so I could volunteer." He murmured against her skin._

 _"You did?" She questioned as she pulled back, her wide eyes dancing with satisfaction._

 _Nodding, he brought his fingers up to brush along the exposed skin of her neck. "I wanted to pin my girl before I pinned my girl." He growled, pressing his hips against hers._

 _Letting out an echoing laugh, she brought her hand up to the back of his neck as his mouth found her skin again. "Your girl, huh?"_

 _"Mhm", he mumbled against her skin, the vibration causing her to let out a childish giggle._

 _Pulling back, he cupped the back of her neck with his large hand while his crystal blue eyes searched her face. "From the moment I saw you from across the bar, you've been my girl. It's just that neither of us knew it yet."_

 _Grabbing him by the material of his white dress shirt, she pulled him close and pressed her lips against his. The smile on her lips and the butterflies in her stomach lasted long after the flowers had wilted._

* * *

"That was a good day." She said softly, a small smile playing on her lips.

Rounding the coffee table from the kitchen, Ed nodded in agreement as he placed another beer on the table for her. He sat down on the couch, mere inches separating them as he took a pull from his beer bottle. "I was so proud of you that day. I had never felt that way before, I thought my heart was gonna explode." He explained, placing his large right hand over the left side of his chest.

She looked from where her eyes were trained on the beer bottle between her hands to the man sitting next to her. The pride he spoke of radiated from his bright eyes as he spoke and the hand that was on his chest moved to squeeze her knee. "I still am", he muttered. "When I had heard that you made Lieutenant...", he trailed off, shaking his head lightly.

"It's not that big of a deal." She shrugged humbly.

Narrowing his eyes, he stretched his arm across the back of the couch behind her as he moved closer. "That's not true." He stated softly. "I always knew you could do it. I had hoped that I would be there to finagle a way to pin you with your lieutenants badge like I did your sergeants." His eyes bored into hers and she could feel the tension thicken between them. "I missed a lot."

Leaning back into the crook of his out stretched arm, her hand pressed against his firm stomach. " _We_ missed a lot." She corrected.

Moving his hand from the back of the couch, he cupped the back of her neck as he stared into her eyes. "I don't want to miss anymore." He stated firmly with a slight shake of his head.

She brought her hand up to stroke his cheek and pressed her face against his, her warm breath surrounding them. "I know." She whispered. His hand dropped from her neck as he felt himself deflate in the slightest, it wasn't the answer he was hoping for.

Trying to lighten the mood, she pulled away with a devious smile on her face. "I'll tell you one thing, I crossed something off my bucket list that day."

Raising his eyebrows in question, he did his best to hid the disappointment that he knew she would be able to see on his face. "And what's that?"

Her dark eyes flickered to his as she grabbed his hand, lustful memories dancing around in her brown orbs. "Having sex at 1PP." She admitted shyly.

A look of surprise crossed his face as he felt the heat rise up his neck at the memory of lifting her on his desk, being against her, inside of her. "Really?" He swallowed. "That was on your bucket list?"

"Not always", she informed, playing with his fingers in between hers. "But once we started seeing each other, it shot to the top of my list."

Letting out a breathless laugh, he looked into her sparkling eyes before they flickered back to the box. He watched as she leaned foward, scooting to the edge of the couch as she rummaged through the dozens of photos.

Suddenly, her hands stilled and he could see her face drop from where he was sitting next to her. She slowly pulled a picture from the box as her trembling fingers reached her lips. He couldn't see the image but he knew exactly which one it was.

Inching closer, Ed reluctantly reached his hand out and pressed against the small of her back. The picture was of Olivia laying on the operating table with a nurse holding a new born Charlotte for her to see. Charlotte's little arm reached from the blanket to anchor herself by holding onto her mother's nose while tears streamed from Olivia's eyes to her hair line.

Sniffling, she brought her hand up to swipe tears that were threatening to spill from her eyes. Ed ran his hand slowly up and down the spanse of back, his heart breaking right along side hers.

Not being able to stop himself, he leaned forward and pressed his lips against her temple. His eyes fell closed as he inhaled her scent, his lips never waivering from her warm skin. "I haven't seen a picture of her as a newborn for years." She cleared her throat. "She was so tiny."

"And beautiful", he added, the corner of his lips turning upward but the smile not reaching his eyes.

Leaning against him, she settled against his chest as he wrapped his strong arm around her body. They fell back against the couch, looking down at the glossy image through glossy eyes.

* * *

 _Letting out a ferocious roar, Olivia fell back against Ed's chest as he braced himself behind her on the hospital bed. Her breath came in sharp pants as she brought her hand up to her forehead, trying to wipe sweat from her brow._

 _"You're doing great, kid." Ed whispered from his place behind her, pressing his lips against the damp skin of her temple._

 _Her hands searched for his as she felt the pain rising through her body again, the tell-tale sign of an impending contraction. She felt him brace himself against the bed, steadying himself for the next wave when she saw the doctor stand from between her legs and take off his latex gloves._

 _Panic immediately crossed her already strained features. "Wh-what are you doing?" She stammered, looking between the doctor and nurses._

 _Walking closer, the doctor gave her a sympathetic smile as he let out a sigh. "I'm sorry, Olivia. We're going to have to do a Caesarean. You been in active labor for almost eighteen hours and she shows no sign of budging."_

 _Pursing her lips together, she let her head fall back against Ed's shoulder as she fought the tears that prickled the back of her eyes. He kissed her ear before pressing his cheek against hers, murmuring words of comfort._

 _Stepping forward, the doctor placed a reassuring hand on her shoulder. "There's nothing to worry about. I will do everything in my power to make sure everything goes smoothly, okay?" He asked, receiving a teary nod from Olivia. "You just have a stubborn little girl in there, that's all."_ _That caused them both to let out a laugh. "They're gonna get you prepped for surgery while I get scrubbed in and, Dad, we have scrubs for you in the hallway."_

 _With those words and a kind nod, the doctor turned and left the room to give the couple privacy._

 _Laying several kisses along her cheek, Ed maneuvered from behind her on the bed to stand beside her. He placed his hands on her cheeks and pressed his forehead against hers. "Within the next hour, we'll have a daughter." He stated, excitement dancing in his eyes. Trying to suppress the nagging feeling that rose in the back of her mind, Olivia pressed her lips together in a forced smile. "I'll see you in there, kid."_

 _As he turned to leave, she reached out and caught his hand with hers. He turned to look at her and his eyebrows knitted together in concern as he saw tears streaming down her face. "Ed", she sobbed. "I'm scared."_

 _Stepping forward, he wrapped his arms around her shaking body and pulled her against him. "Shh", he soothed, stroking her sweat dampened hair until her cries began to dwindle. "You can do this, Liv." He assured before making her look at him. "And they'll give you all those good pain meds, you won't feel a thing."_

 _She couldn't help but laugh, her hands coming up to clutch her stomach as she breathed through an impending contraction.. "Tuck, I just spent eighteen hours in labor with no epidural. I'm not worried about the pain."_

 _The sides of his mouth lifted but the worry nagging at him didn't allow the smile to reach his eyes. "What is it then?"_

 _Bringing her shaking hands up to wipe her wet cheeks, she inhaled a steadying breath. "What if I'm not good enough?" She whispered, her words barely audible. "Maybe there's a reason why I'm not a mom yet."_

 _The words made his heart ache and he moved quickly, pulling her back into his arms as she dissolved into a flood of tears. He let her cry against his chest for several seconds, his strong hands threading through her thick tresses as his lips danced along her forehead._

 _When her tears began to subside, Ed pulled away with his hands on either side of her face. "You are more than good enough. You're everything." He stated lowly, his voice raspy with emotion as unshed tears glistened in his blue eyes. "Hell, I don't deserve you but I'm so lucky to have you and our daughter will be to."_

 _She shook he head, her hands gripped the sides of his shirt. "I have no idea what I'm doing."_

 _Chuckling softly, he ran his thumb over her quivering bottom lip. "Neither do I. But Liv, you have more love in your heart than I ever thought possible. It shines through everyday at work and if you can care that much for strangers just think about the love you'll have for our little girl." She nodded, falling against his welcoming chest. "We'll learn together." He whispered, his hands rubbing her back soothingly._

 _There was soft knock on the door and the two turned their attention to the nurse who poked her head through the cracked door. "We're ready to prep you, Mrs. Tucker."_

 _Pulling away from her husband's chest, Olivia nodded as she wiped the tears from her cheeks. Ed pressed his lips against her forehead. "I'll see you in there, kid." He smirked and for the first time she started to feel at ease_.

* * *

Ed watched her as she looked down at the photograph, his hand playing with the end of her ponytail that fell against her upper back. "What are you thinking about?" He asked softly.

Clearing her throat, her fingertips ran over the gloss image. "What it felt like when they placed her on my chest for the first time. They way her head smelled." She said looking at him, her eyes glistening. "Your face the first time you held her."

Hanging his head, he closed his eyes as the memory came rushing back to him. The light weight of her body in his hand, her scrunched up red face. She pressed her forehead against his cheek while her hand came up to stroke the other one. "You don't deserve to carry this guilt around with you. You have to let it go." Her words and the emotion in her voice caused him to take in a shaky breath.

"That's a lot easier said than done." He sighed, his hand coming up to press into her eyes.

She nodded her head against his. "I know but think about Charlie." A shocked look crossed his face as he pulled back to look at her. She had said her name. "She would not want you to live like this. That guilt is much too great a burden to bear."

"I'll always carry that burden." He stated as she watched him look down at his worrying hands, her eyebrows furrowing together. "Charlie wasn't the only person I lost that day."

A wave of guilt washed over her and she placed her hand over his to still them. "What if I told you..." she spoke slowly and he looked at her, anxiously awaiting the direction of her sentence. "... that's not entirely true."

He blinked several times, his brain trying to process what she was hinting at. "What are you trying to say, Liv?"

Looking down at where her hands covered his, the sight of their digits intertwining together putting her nerves somewhat at ease. "You may have lost me", she began as her eyes flickered to his, the vulnerability there make his breath hitch. "But I think you've found me again."

Feeling his heart practically stop, he sucked in a large breath. He ran his hand over his face, finding it hard to fight the smile pulling at the corner of his lips. "I'm not a dumb man but I'm going to need to hear you say it."

Turning to face him on the couch, she grabbed her chiseled cheeks between her hands. "I miss you." She admitted, her voice soft. "I left because I couldn't cope with the sadness but what I didn't realize was that you kept me alive." She continued, sniffling as tears prickled at the corners of her eyes. "Feeling anything was better than feeling nothing."

Reaching his hands out, he gripped her hips and pulled her closer as his eyes searched hers. They stayed like that for several minutes, their breath mingling between them. "What are you thinking?" She whispered, her gentle fingertips running down the chords of his neck.

His eyes dropped to her lips as he licked his own, remembering the intoxicating feeling of her mouth on his. "Honestly, I kind of want to kiss you right now." He chuckled, the sound sending a warm feeling through her body.

"Only kind of?" she teased, her eyes shining as her lips spread into a wide smile.

Not being able to contain himself any longer, he leaned closer and pressed his lips against hers as his hands circled around her waist. She fell back against the couch, taking him with her, causing the box of photos to drop haphazardly to the floor.

Bracing his hands against the arm of the couch, he slanted his mouth over hers and slipped his tongue between her lips. Her hands snaked around his midsection to grip the muscles of his strong back as he settled in between her legs.

He could feel his heart pounding inside his ribcage, feeling as if it was swelling so much it would burst. Tearing his lips away from hers, he pressed his forehead to hers as his heaving breaths panted against hers.

The emotions running through him was almost to much to bear. Olivia was under him, around him. He had spent so many sleepless nights wishing for this moment and it had finally come to fruition.

With his one forearm still braced above her head, his eyes raked over her face as his fingers traced the lines that had taken residence there. "You're staring." She stated, her hands slipping under the hem of his shirt.

"You're beautiful." He replied, his index finger trailed down the curve of her nose. "You're like a good bourbon." Her eyebrows knitted in confusion as a smile tongued at her lips. "You only get better with age, kid."

"That's the cheesiest line I've ever..." she laughed but was soon cut off by his lips on hers again. He let the full weight of his body press her into the cushions of her couch as her mouth surrendered under his.

Moaning at the feeling of his tongue invading her mouth, her nails scraped against the skin of his lower back along the waistband of his dockers. Chills ran through his body at the contact and he couldn't help but press his hips into hers.

He kissed his way across her cheek to bury his face in her neck, licking and sucking the sensitive skin there. She threw her head back as her hand found its way to the back of his head, scraping against the silver crew cut there.

Something out of the corner of her eye caught her attention and she reached out her hand to grab the photo. "Ed", she breathed as she brought the picture into her eyesight.

She gazed at the photo in her hand, the image rendering her speechless. In the low lighting if the picture, she saw herself. She was asleep on her back with one of her arm above her head in her usual sleeping position, a bed sheet barely covering her naked cleavage.

Sensing her distraction, he pulled his face away from her neck and turned to follow her eyeline. "When was this taken?" She muttered softly.

Gazing at the photograph, he took inhaled deeply as his eyes scanned the beautiful image in front of him. It took his breath away even now, there was no wonder why he had to grab his camera to capture the moment. "The first night we slept together." He hummed, rubbing his fingertips over his kiss bruised lips as he remembered.

"You take a picture of all your conquests?" She teased, leaning forward to kiss the side of his neck as he looked at the glossy page.

"No", he chuckled lightly. "When I woke up that morning I felt like I could barely breathe at the sight of you next to me. I took this picture", he paused as he ran his hand over his mouth, an unstoppable smile spreading across his mouth. "Because I knew that was the start of something spectacular."

Watxhing him look at the picture before him, she couldn't deny the feeling of her heart swelling in her chest. He put the photo back on the coffee table and turned his attention back to her.

His blue eyes shone as he stared into hers and her breath caught. In his eyes see saw everything; everything she loved about him years ago, all the hurt that he had suffered, the hope he held for their future together.

Placing her hands on both sides of his face, she smiled through the emotion that was tugging as her heartstrings as she stroked the rough skin of his cheek. "I'll never understand what I did to deserve you."

Leaning forward until his lips were practically touching hers, he spoke. "You loved me." he whispered, his lips brushing hers before capturing them in a passionate kiss. Her lips surrendered under his as his hands found the hem of her t shirt, teasing the sensitive skin of her stomach.

Pulling his lips away from her, he stared down at her as his calloused fingers grazed the smooth skin of her abdomen. She felt a shiver run through her body but she wasn't sure if it was due to his touch or the way he was gazing at her.

Raising her arms above her head in invitation, Olivia looked at him through heavy-lidded eyes. Ed shook his head, a sly smile gracing his lips, as he looked up at her outstretched arms and then back at her face.

Slipping his large hands under the cotton shirt, he pushed the material up farther until he pulled it over her head. For the first time in years, he came face to face with her heaving breasts encased in black lace and his mouth practically watered.

Groaning at the sight before him, he trailed his hands down her extended arms before stopping to grip the sides of her torso. Her arms fell to wrap around his neck as he just stares at her chest.

Sparing a glance at her face, he leaned forward and trailed his lips along the edge of the lace garment. She let out a low moan as her hand gripped the gray hair at the back of his head. "I've missed these." He muttered, leaving open mouthed kisses against the black lace as his hands slipped under her towards the clasp.

Her laugh turned into a gasp as she felt the clasp give, allowing him to pull the garment from her body. His eyes flickered to her face to find her eyes trained on him, her breaths coming in heavy pants.

Giving her a smirk, he blew a stream of cool air across her chest causing her nipples to peak at attention before capturing one between his lips. The moan she released vibrated through her body as she hugged his head to her chest.

"Ed", she breathed, causing him to look up at her, his stubbled chin scraping against her upper stomach. She made eye contact with him over her heaving chest. "Come here."

Obeying her request, he crawled back up her body and laid a sound kiss on her lips as he felt her hands slip underneath the material of his polo shirt. "You're too over dressed." She smirked, pushing his shirt up his body.

He chuckled as she removed his shirt but noticed that her face dropped once the piece of clothing hit the floor. Before he could ask, he followed her eyes to the dark ink branded into his skin.

Bringing her hand up to his chest, he let her fingertips grazed over the black script etched into the skin of his left pec. "Charlotte", she mouthed, reading the tattoo as a single tear ran down her face.

"I told you, I carry her with me everyday." He murmured, causing a sad smile to spread across her lips. She leaned closer, pressing her lips against his chest slowly, causing him to groan as one of his hands found the back of her neck. She pulled back and looked at him before he quickly kissed her lips, her hands getting reacquainted with his muscular torso.

Moaning into her mouth, he couldn't help the chill that ran through his body at the feeling of her nails scraping along his firm stomach before landing on his belt buckle. She began to undo the button of his dockers and it didn't take him long to return the favor.

The sight of her in lace black panties and the sensation of her slim hand wrapping around his arousal was almost too much for him to handle. Groaning, he dropped his face into the crook of her neck while he stroked the front of her panties. "You're killing me, kid." He rasped against her sensitive skin.

"I know something that will help that..." she suggested, lifting her hips into his hand.

Leaning back on his heels, he grasped the sides of her panties and pulled them down her toned legs, kissing the smooth skin of her calves as he did.

Once they were both naked, he covered his body with her and propped himself on one of his forearm next to her head while the other trailed down her body. "I've thought about this for years." He whispered, brushing his nose against hers before kissing her lips.

Wrapping her arms around his midsection, she pressed against the strong muscles of his back so his body was flush against hers. "Please", she breathed, her warm breath puffing against his face as his strong hand found the back of her thigh.

Hitching her thigh high around his waist, he lined himself up with her before pushing forward. Her mouth fell open in a silent moan as he fully sheathed himself inside of her. He stayed still, reveling in the feeling of being surrounded by her again while he felt the sting of her dull nails digging into the muscles of his back.

"Move, please." She begged as his open mouth hovered over hers, breathing into her. Granting her request, he pulled his hips back but before he could move again she spoke, barely above a whisper. "I love you."

Whatever air that remained in his lungs quickly left his body as he stared wordlessly down at her. Smiling at his shocked expression, she grabbed his head between her hands and pulled his face close to hers. "I do", she whispered, answering his silent question. "I love you, I love you, I love you."

Letting the repetitive words play over and over in his head, he captured her lips with his as he thrusted into her.

* * *

Blinking his eyes open against the bright sun streaming through the curtains, Ed turned his head to find a naked Olivia snuggled into his side. They were together, in their bed, after all this time. He had to refrain from pinching himself.

Threading his fingers through her disheveled hair, he pressed several light kisses along her forehead before slipping out from underneath her. He found a pair of sweatpants nearby and pulled them on before heading into the living room.

Returning to the room several minutes later, Ed fiddled with the high tech camera he held in his hands. He looked through the finder, adjusting the focus as he got reacquainted with his old sidekick.

Climbing onto the bed, he planted his feet on either side of her sleeping body and brought the finder up to his eye while focusing the lense down on her. She was laying on her back with one arm tucked under her pillow while the other one rest on the sheet that barely covered her naked chest.

Pressing the shudder, he removed the camera away from his face and just stared down at her. She was beautiful, breathtakingly so. Careful not to wake her, he moved to sit down on the bed next to her as he clicked through the digital images.

Stirring beside him, Olivia slowly opened her eyes to find Ed next to her scrolling through his camera. She maneuvered to rest her head against his shoulder so she could see was he was studying. "Is that me?" She questioned, her voice thick with sleep.

A smirk spread across his face as he turned his head to placed a kiss into her hair. "Who else would it be?" He teased.

"I must look awful." She groaned, snatching the camera from his hands and seeing for herself. "Why did you take it?"

"First of all", he laughed, taking the camera back. "You never look more gorgeous than you do in the morning." He informed. She could stop her lips from pulling up at the corners while she hugged his bicep and rested her chin on his shoulder. "And if you must know, I took it because when I woke up this morning and saw you", he paused, his voice softening as he looked into her deep brown eyes. "I knew this was the start of something spectacular."

The words resonated with her from the night before and the swelling feeling inside her chest was hard to ignore. Untangling herself from his arm, she crawled onto his lap and took his face between her hands. Her fingers traced the lines across his forehead and down to his cheek as if memorized every inch of him. "I never stopped loving you." She admitted softly, taking his large hand and placing it over her heart. "I carried you with me everyday."

A bright smile found its way to his face and he wrapped his arms around her bare body, pressing his lips to hers.

He knew their hearts would never be whole again, just maybe, they could start to pick up the pieces hand in hand.

* * *

 **THE END! I can't thank you all enough for the tremendous amount of love you've showed me and this little story!**

 **I'd love to see you guys check out my other stories maybe one of them will be as good as this one!**


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